Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
