i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
