I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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