whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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