I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
