my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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