it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
