I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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