Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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