how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
