I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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