Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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