i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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