i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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