Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
