dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
