thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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