Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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