I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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