He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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