Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
