My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
