im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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