I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
