I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
