It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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