just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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