Please, let me fuck your mom
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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