So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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