He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
