for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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