Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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