I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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