my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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