I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
