Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
