my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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