i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
