I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
