Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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