Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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