I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
