So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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