Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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