Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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