Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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