One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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