He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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