You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
