I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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