Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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