He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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