Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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