i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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