Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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