I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
