I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
