he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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