Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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