i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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