you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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