I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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