So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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