there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
