i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
