Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
