for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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