Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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