just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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