Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
